Jul 07, 2020
A few things I found that hopefully will help you smile: May your college memories last as long as your student loan payments. You know you're a nurse when you know it’s a full moon by people's behavior around you. There is no easy way to say this….you have cooties. You can't fix stupid….but you can sedate it. Of course I talk to myself….sometimes I need expert advice. Night nurses do it after dark. When my shift ends…I either want to boil myself or light myself on fire. May your coffee be strong and your scrub game on point. A new nurse is excited to sign everything. An old nurse tries not to sign anything. Not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious. If I collapse at work, here is the list of doctors I don't want working on me. Remember…catheters and needles come in sizes I choose. When a hospital runs out of maternity nurses do they have a mid-wife crisis? Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers to work? In case they have to draw blood. How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they just get a nursing student to do it. Transplant nurses hate rejection. The nurse who can smile when things go wrong….is probably going off duty. What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? Some asshole has my pen. What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste. A practical nurse is one who marries a rich, terminally ill patient. How do you know that a dead body on the side of the road is a nurse? Stomach is empty, bladder is full and ass is chewed. "Yes I am a nurse and No I don't want to look at it. You know you're a nurse when… you look for mistakes in every medical show you watch. Nursing school: where you learn to save lives while trying not to take your own. There are three glove sizes….large, medium and empty box. Holiday plans? Nope, I'm a nurse…. Don't mess with me. I get paid to stab people with sharp objects.